Where?

Where is somebody who understands? Ever been through something and took it okay, but when you go through it again it seems as though it is all new to you, and you just don't know or remember how to react?
Its been almost 7 months since PJ (poppa) passed away. Everyone says it get easier with time, and with Dylan I kinda feel like it did and does because I know he is happy, I can feel it when I think about him, but with PJ it seems like it gets harder instead of easier or did they dictionary change a few words and meanings around?
In a way I feel like I personally haven't even put the puzzle together all the way. I kind of feel like he is at the like house in town and I can go visit him when ever I want. I also constantly have things running through my head of what I need to call him and tell him about, and then I snap back to reality , and realize that I can tell him but I won't get a response back. The tricks my mind plays are what hurt the most!
I don't know what to do. I am lost in a ocean of pain. I am tired of heating he is in a better place and he wouldn't won't you to be sad. I know these things! I don't exactly what I want someone to tell me, but I know I don't want to hear only that.

Where's my life saver device? I think I am drowning.