Driving myself crazy?

Okay. I am breaking... My aunt's husband's mom passed away on Monday. She has been very sick and while I hurt for them I am glad she is no longer in pain. I guess seeing my granddaddy go through pain right before he passed away has made me a lot more emotional about stuff like this (well that and also growing up and understanding more). While I didn't know Mrs. Sybil well, the little that I do know is that she was a very sweet lady, and will greatly be missed.
Because of the past couple of days and all my mind has traveled back a lot to the days before and after granddaddy passed away. For me personally I don't know what I am doing anymore. I know he is gone, but for some reason I still have this I guess mind set that he is gone on a trip and will be back real soon. The fact that I can't stop thinking about it this way is driving me crazy. I have thought about it like this so much that now it is kinda like it is set in my head this way and some days when I get home I can't wait to run over and see of PJ is home yet. I have even had dreams where I will wake up and think they were real, but there not.
Now I am not a genius or anything but I do want to note for future references and a tip to other is this... when they say "please walk over to the side and face the opposite way" right before the funeral home people take them out do this ... Walk to the opposite side and do NOT no matter what look back before you are told it is okay to do so. This image that stands out most in my head I can describe for you every detail of that moment and I can't tell you how much I wish I hadn't looked back and saw that. I know that after he passed on he had no need for oxygen anymore, but to me the cover covering his face made me feel like that is what really killed him. Like I sad maybe I am driving myself crazy and the last sentence is proof of it, I don't know,but I wish I had not looked back!